eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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