White coat. Heels.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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