Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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