If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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