there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize