I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
