u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
