Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
