I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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