It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
