I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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