Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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