no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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