look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
