Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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