i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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