We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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