Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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