covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's always time for handjobs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
