I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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