You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
