I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize