you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
