Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize