She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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