remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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