I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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