why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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