I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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