Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
