dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
