I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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