if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
