her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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