Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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