I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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