Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
