We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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