I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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