I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
