there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
