yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
