went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
