now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
