so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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