So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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