does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
