pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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