sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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