What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
