Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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