I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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