I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
