Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He keeps bees of course he's weird
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
