i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
