I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
did i just pee glitter
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