no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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