do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
