Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize