I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
