She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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