Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
