Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
