I'm jealous of your bromance
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
