He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
