It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
