you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Come on in and take your pants off
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