Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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