sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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