you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
