Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
