Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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