I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm always down for nudity.
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