thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
