just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
